Archive for May, 2007
Three surveyors, a half naked man and a headache
So we are one month in and thesmooth ride seems to be over. Damn.
Last week was a bit of turning point in our project. Up until now we have been ahead of schedule and within budget. I knew that it could not last.
The party wall problem is now heading to a giddy climax with the boys meeting at our place on Thursday to try to agree an award - hopefully without the need for a third surveyor but I shall not be holding my breath in case I expire before writing the necessary cheques to pay them all. I remain disenchanted with party wall rules particularly as it would seem that I have unwittingly served the wrong notice! It should have been in three meter excavation form not a general notice - duh silly me. This probably would not be a problem elsewhere but my prophecy of doom is that it will be here, although presumably it could be amended?
The second and more alarming development occurred on Friday when I received a flurry of urgent calls from a builder, his wife and the elderly tenant of the adjoining house. It would appear that some time before 8.30 am a semi clad man began ranting along the street using a rather choice selection of words to describe, at volume, his discontent with the world. It is reported that he then spotted a window open at number four and approached at speed, spittle and sweat flying. Our lovely plasterer was unlucky enough to be the reception committee and was treated to a tirade of abuse and allegations of impropriety. According to the clothes phobic, we have been working early in the morning and over night and all weekend. Bless all of the lovely tradesmen who have evidently been working almost 24 hours a day on our project on a charitable basis since we have not been billed for this extra work. Indeed, if our neighbour is correct many have been working without break for four weeks. Now that is devotion ot the job. Even those who have not been quite so dedicated have been starting as early as 5.00am, seven days a week, always drilling or hammering for the full duration oftheir shift. Naturally I was very concerned - where was the fruit of these additional labours? Or, could it be that this gentleman was mistaken in his assertions?
Despite advice from the other neighbour to steer clear and form the Plasterer to be careful I felt it best to knock and attempt to pour oil on these troubled waters. Should not have bothered - the man was beside himself with fury, although his mood lightened when he mistakenly believed we shared the same name - Helen? Upon further enquiry he told me that we should not start work before 10.00 or 10.30 and that we should not speak in the garden as it disturbs him. I pointed out that would be Avery late start indeed and that we were probably ok to talk in our garden. He response was that we had to write to him about that. I left him much calmer and clutching my number to callshould we or our builders behave so outrageously in future.
Concerned that there may be some element of truth in the allegations I checked with our other neighbours to see if we had indeed been causing a nuisance. Apparently not and, in fact, most seemed to think that the site had been very quiet indeed. All was well until at about 6.30 I had to return to take some measurements. A furious row was taking place next door, clothes came cascading from the window. I left - what a cowardly custard eh?
Later intelligence revealed the old rudey nudeywas taken away by the Police and has yet to return…
Welcome to the party (wall)
The Party Wall Act etc 1996 seems to me to be an opportunity for difficulty and additional expense which presumably it was intended to avoid. If this is the statutory solution goodness knows what capers arose before.
We need to remove an already unstable party wall which divides our garden from the adjoining property. It is no more or less than a garden wall in very bad repair but as it is a party wall we have had to serve notice of our intention to carefully remove and then rebuild it. The adjoining owner has dissented, as is his right under the act, and appointed his own surveyor for whom we have to pay. We now have to appoint our own surveyor and, potentially, if these two cannot agree on the works we than have to appoint a third surveyor to agree an award. Jobs for the boys? In any event, we are going to have to pay several thousand quid for them all to agreethat a wall that is falling down can be taken down and rebuilt at our expense. Very depressing indeed although there is a slight chance that as we are jointly responsible for the party wall that the adjoining owner will have to contribute toward the cost of rebuilding.
None of this is good for the visage - worry lines are appearing daily. Have had to resort to some rathermarvellous 'filling' from a local Restylane practitioner. She is terribly talented and very discreet - I am not and upon the first “filling” I rushed to school to collect my daughter and urged all those assembled to view the results. This little find has meant that I can now be as cross as I like safe in the knowledge that the damage to the mush can be fixed. Highly recommended and worth every penny, see Sara at www.dulwichnaturalbeauty.co.uk.
Rant over.
Which one is the witch?
As we have spent a lot of time at number four over the past fortnight, we have got to know some of the neighbours. All have been very friendly and it seems like it will be afine place to live. Apart from the witches of course.
Witches? you may cry in disbelief. But it would seem that at least one was alive and well, living next door to number four as recently as eight years ago. Now no doubt this woman was much maligned and for all I know could well have been one of the Samantha (Bewitched) types. However, her antics, including late night revelry with strange men ( so it's called witchcraft now?) and various police visits attracted lots of attention from the great and good of the street. In fact it would seem she made a bit of a nuisance of herself and when the building was sold she moved on.
When the contractors moved in to gut the place they started with the basement and found various pentacles etched into the floors and, allegedly, lots of black candle wax and dark red stains. Now, it is perfectly plausible that this women was excessively hirsute and had run out of leg wax and resorted to using her last black candles for her legs. This may have set too quickly and caused massive bleeding when ripped off. I was very happy with this explanation ( all my own don't you know) untilComputer Boy founda fat volume of “Satanism and Witchcraft - an introduction” at the back of one of new acquired sheds…
end of week one
One week down and we seem to be ahead of the game. The main body of the house is pretty much gutted out and most of the sheds are emptied and down.
Contents of house and sheds so far have been carted away in three 40 yards waste bins (roll on/off jobbies). Bit of a result with the scrap metal though. We had in mind another bin the same size - which means another 500quid plus the labour to fill it. However, Computer Boy has been at the house this week doing a bit of labouring and he managed to flag down a passing scrap man. This bloke was delighted at the bounty on offer and returned with two others, many times in fact, to clear the garden of all the metal waste. This meant that in fact we had 8 men doing the clearance, halving the job time. The scrappers were so delighted that with their haul that not only did they remove it all but they bunged CB 40 quid for the privilege - this was quickly invested in greasy spoons all round. So you see, there may not be such a thing as a free lunch but breakfast is clearly another matter…
Thirty years and gone just like that
One of the notable features of number four has been the scaffolding to the rear of the property. This was erected circa 1980 to effect some minor roof repairs. Whether those took place I have no idea but the scaffolding has remained in place ever since, gently corroding for almost three decades.
To have left this in place for so long is clearly very odd in itself but when coupled with the fact it completely blocked a door and stole most of the light from three rooms it is astonishing.
I had tried to convince various scaffolders to come and relieve us of this monstrous burden but all declined, muttering darkly of angle grinding and hundreds of pounds. Out of the blue the lovely Alan revealed that his brother, a scaffolder might do it. One call and Alfie appeared, wielding some WD40. Ninety minutes and 80 quid later the job was done. Rather begs the question of why ithas taken twenty seven years.