You just cannot get the scaffolders these days…
So work has been continuing apace barthe scaffolding.
How ironic that we should have rid ourselves of the very thing that now seems rarer than hens teeth. Having chopped down the vintage stuff weeks ago we now needed to board the house from top to bottom at the both the side and front. Several trades (roofers, plumbers, electricians and decorators) all needed it 2 weeks ago.
Diligently I accosted somescaffolders taking down some scaffolding down from a neighbours property and asked them to quote for the job in good time for our needs. Daddy scaffolders hopped down (attired only in shorts and looking like a skinned rabbit) and came to givea price. Price was fair and only slight downside was Daddy was off to Ibiza in the next few days to shake his thang at the seasonal opening of all the clubs. Good news was baby rabbit was staying behind and would start the following Wednesday.
Wednesday came - no show. Sent a text message and several hours later a reply arrived ” sorry job gone over. be there Friday”. Friday arrived but baby did not and stopped answering his phone. In desperation called Daddy in Ibiza who had probably just fallen out of a club it being 11.15am. He promised to chase up baby. Baby did not call. Monday came and went sent text to Daddy who finally replied saying he was sorry to let us down but was going to anyway. Nice one DB.
In between the no shows the weather had deteriorated and now all the scaffolding companies were playing catch up and no-one would even come to quote untilI met a charming builder called Bob who sorted us out with Tel'. Staggeringly Tel' not only turned up but was charming and polite and arranged to do the job the following week for a good price.
Sadly Tel' himself could not make it but two of his lads could. Happily they did a good job but sadly ran out of boards. Happily they could get more. Sadly not until Friday. Happily two more scaffolders turned up. Sadly they did not have enough boards. Happily even Tel' himself was so pissed off by now that he solemnly promised to finish the job himself today.
Today arrived - disaster, pouring with rain. Hurrah Tel' still came. Sadly he did not have enough boards…but happily he did have a comedy partner who had a fine supply of the foulest language I have ever heard. It was staggering. At one point Computer Boy and I were emptying yet more rubbish from the loft when Mr Silver Tongue popped his head up to ask if we needed to hire a skip. I told him that we had been using one company but would be interested in another. I told him we wanted a large roll on roll off for rubbish not rubble or heavy waste. This simple statementelicited the following:
“You don't want all that f****** b****** the c** will take whatever you f****** give him and f****** l** it as well the f****** w*****. You gotta show these f****** c**** who is in f****** charge or the w****** will s** all over you the f****** b*******. Anyway's his yard is next to our's and he'll sort you out, he's a c*** but he's alright”
He did explain earlier that the Red Bull he'd had for breakfast had got the better of him and presumably he would only have been able to incorporate half the swear words without it.
Things calmed down a bit until…Mr Silver Tongue saw that I had hired some scaffolding boards of my own for our plasterer to use. Big mistake apparently. It quickly became clear that Catherine Tate's foul mouthed granny was based on this very man as he spewed forth with:
” You hired them f****** things - how much? What a f****** liberty. I am telling you now Hel, get them f****** taken down now and give them back to the c**** that's robbing you. Taking f****** liberties I tell you f****** w******. I can't stand it it makes me want to puke - get them down- NOW”
I was desperate to guffaw but could tell he was genuinely incensed that I had paid two quid to hire them. I solemnly promised to return them on Monday.
Somehow Tel' managed to complete the boarding - with fully boarded lifts as well don't you know- despite Mr Silver Tongues digressions. As they rode off into the sunset, well onto the South Circular, I mused what a funny old game renovating number four has become.