Archive for July, 2007
Lies, damned lies and builders estimates…
Mr Disraeli clearly hadno experience of building work when condemning statistics as the most deceitful of all figures. Surely much higher in the list to be named and shamed are the following:-
1) Time estimates for coming out to price a job;
2) Time estimates for returning the quotation;
3) The quotation itself - no more scientific then guessing the number of sweeties in a jar at the local fete;
4) Time estimates for getting the job done;
5) Estimates for the number of people on site during the job;
6) Estimates of number of skips to be used - and of course paid for;
7) Estimates of just how deep the customers pocket can be and how easy it will be to pick;
8 ) Estimates of just how much a customer can bear - even before the work has begun;
9) Estimate of just how close this particular customer is to the edge
and just how far she can be pushed before she snaps clean in two leaving only one half available to go to the bank and pay for it all - better hope it's the half with the hands that is left.
The holly and the ivy
of all the trees that are in our 'hood
the holly needs chopping down.(only that would cause heave apparently).
Or so I think. We have just been told the joyous news that the large holly tree in next doors garden means we need foundations of 2m for our extension. I would have thought a rather nice tower block could be built on those let alone a paltry single storey blockwork number. The structural surveyor is proving unswayable and so we are hoping the buildings inspector may see the light and allow a more reasonable 1.4. If not then if the extension is ever built it will look more like a repo' with just a Bunsen burner to cook on and few packing crates for furniture as all of our budget will be blown on the concrete beneath us.
Arch rivals
The previous owners at number four had, as you know, done very little to the house for many years. What little they had done had been bizarre. As an example, they had removed an original fireplace and made it into a crazy paving path.
Another improvement was by way of smashing out theoriginal plaster work in the hall”just in case it fell down by itself”.This had left the hall sad and characterless. Upon meeting Freda, our next door neighbour, I became consumed with arch envy as the house in which she lives has all of the hall plasterwork intact and it is quite beautiful. Note it had not fallen on Freda's head and she has lived there for thirty years.
I contacted some fibrous plaster specialists to get a quote for reinstatement - horrendously expensive. Then our lovely plasterer, Antonio, said that he could make one. A few sheets of ply, a bit of batten and a lot of skill and it is well on the way to being something lovely. I managed to get two large corbels for 24 quid on eBay and I am certain that by the time they are in situ, my arch will be the envy of arch fanciers everywhere.
Who do you love?
Well for us it has got to be some of the new neighbours at number four. Following on from the great fly tipping fiasco we needed to rid ourselves' of the star attraction of the street - the latest in a long line of 20 yarder roll on/off skips. Never has a lump of metalproved so popular and so visited. To avoid paying extra tonnage we arranged for it's removal. Several times. Each time the lorry left empty handed asparked carsprevented collection. Each abortive attempt left yet another opportunity for a bit more trash to appear and I was feeling pretty desperate.
In a last ditch attempt I dropped our car outside of the house to prevent anyoneblocking the drive. It had to remain there for three days but it probably enjoyed the change of scenery. The big day arrived - butso did three other vehicles blocking each point of entry. Frantic ringing of bells revealed that no one knew the owners - time was running out.Then out of the blue a good Samaritan appeared to say that a space opposite had become available and that he was going to park there to save itfor us. God bless and keep you Sir James. However, James would be in session and so left the keys with anotherneighbour so that he could remove the car at thecritical moment -gentleman of the highest order without doubt.Lorry arrived and a little car ballet later the skip was gone. The lovely neighbour revealed that he had watched the great and good of the road flytipping in the skip with gay abandon for some days. We now know who you are…
On a final note, I was slightly disappointed by the pilgrimage to view the wheelie bins across our drive. I had placed these directlyacross to prevent any vehicles parking too close and being hit by the lorry. This had obviously outraged another neighbour who brought some friends to tut at this act ofselfishness. Ladies - I am sorry (for you).
Skip etiquette
not literally - I am all for old fashioned manners and niceties. Rather the way in whichwe should respect the skips of others.
Having now racked up a waste bill of about 2500 for skips alone it is more than a little galling to be providing, unwittingly, waste services for half of East Dulwich.
On Monday I arrived at number four to find a neat pile of guttering against our skip and twelve bags of old roofing material inside. Some charming roofer had dumped the lot and left me to load the guttering myself. Very bloody annoying indeed.
On Tuesday the guttering found itself some friends in the form of some dodgy peach tiles and by Wednesday they had been reunited with some matching dodgy carpet.
By Wednesday I'd had quite enough and arranged for the damned thing to be taken away before we ventured into extra tonnage territory. But the lorry could not turn in the road and left empty handed.
On Thursday the party had hotted up with our neighbours purple sofa cushions (invited guests) and on Friday everyone was joined by some wood offcuts and garden refuse, including some small trees.
Saturday was a quiet day for flytippers but luckily today I caught one old scroat red handed. When I politely asked him not to he became most indignant, throwing his hands heavenward and stating it was only some old wood. Indeed it is, but the skip is now so overloaded we can hardly see the wood for the trees…
Permission granted
All hail Fennel Mason - planner of distinction and extraordinary good sense and taste. All we need now is to build the thing…